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'''Callistostarianism''' is a collection of doctrines which were taught by [[Callisto]] himself. Lord Callisto randomly joined [[Sapphire]]'s TeamSpeak one day and began to answer questions which later became the doctrine of Callistostarianism. This was the dialogue:
{{Infobox religion
| name                = Callistostarianism
| caption_background  =
| image              = 420.png
| imagewidth          =
| imagealttext        =
| caption            =
| abbreviation        =
| type                =
| main_classification =
| orientation        =
| scripture          = [[Callisto Dialogues]]
| theology            =
| polity              =
| governance          =
| structure          =
| leader/moderator    =
| leader              =
| director            =
| fellowships        =
| associations        =
| area                =
| headquarters        =
| founder            = [[Callisto]]
| founded_date        = April 20, 2013
| founded_place      =
| separated_from      =
| parent              =
| merger              =
| absorbed            =
| separations        =
| merged_into        =
| defunct            =
| hospitals          =
| nursing_homes      =
| aid                =
| congregations      =
| members            = <!-- or | number_of_followers = -->
| ministers          = Callistostarian scribes
| missionaries        =
| temples            =
| primary_schools    =
| secondary_schools  =
| tax_status          =
| tertiary            =
| other_names        =
| publications        =
| website            =
| holidays            =
}}


''Italics represent Callisto's words accompanied by a glorious, soothing background music.''
'''Callistostarianism''' is a philosophy and way of life based on the teachings of [[Callisto]]. The keepers of his teachings are known as Callistostarians. The teacher Callisto has been observed and recognized across the world on various online platforms.
*''I'm Callisto.''
 
*'''The group laughs.'''
Callisto, the namesake of these teachings, visits TeamSpeak servers such as '''[[Sapphire's TeamSpeak]]''' and enlightens his audiences. He is usually found speaking with his majestic, angelic music in the background that may achieve different "ranges", meaning he can alternate voice pitch and background music.
*''I'm Callisto.''
 
*'''Callisto attempts to talk but is not heard.'''
== Teachings of Callisto ==
*[[Bryan]]: Guys, I think Callisto is trying to say something.
The following are canonical records of the teachings of Callisto.
*''No I wasn't, don't mind me!.''
 
*'''Group laughs.'''
=== 2013 Teachings ===
*Unknown: I don't understand, who is that?
The 2013 Teachings can be found within the [[Callisto Dialogues]].
*''I'm Callisto.''
 
*'''Group laughs.'''
*Callisto is Callisto
*[[Brandon]]: I still don't understand.
*Callisto is made of Callisto
*''What is it?''
 
*[[Mike]]: Callisto is Callisto.
=== 2014 Teachings ===
*''I'm Callisto.''
In 2014, Callisto visited Sapphire's TeamSpeak once more in order to expand upon his teachings.
*'''Group laughs.'''
 
*[[Funky]]: That sounds like it's from an anime!
==== Biographical facts ====
*''You sound like you're from an anime.''
*Callisto can go to different "ranges" meaning He can change voice pitch and background music.
*''[[Cydax]] wants me to tell you how fabulous he is.''
*Callisto is Caucasian. His height is somewhere between 5'11 and 6'0. He was born in Washington state, lives in Kentucky and [was, at the time,] a senior in high school. He is also heterosexual. His name is inspired by Baldassare Castiglione.
*'''Group laughs.'''
*Callisto has encountered THC and does every [[Callistover]].
*to Cydax: ''why should I lie?''
*Callisto can bench 120+ and 90-100 on incline; he enjoys weightlifting.
*Funky: Callisto, turn off your background music.
*Callisto has this very page bookmarked.
*''No.''
*Callisto (material) is stronger than steel.
*'''Group laughs.'''
 
*[[Jimmy]]: Hi I'm Callisto! (imitating Callisto)
==== Philosophical ideas ====
*''I'm not Callisto. You're Callisto. But if you're Callisto, then who's this Callisto right here because I'm Callisto.''
*"Life has no answer. You have to find your own."
*'''Group laughs.'''
*Callisto is highly aware of the faulty school system, especially in Kentucky. He states that mostly only farming occurs there.
*Brandon: That has to be a voice changer.
*"Implying implications."
*''This isn't a voice changer. I'm just as human as you are.''
*"I don't really like Ventrilo or Mumble."
*'''Group laughs.'''
*"Humility is not to be confused with truth."
*Funky: He's scaring me..
 
*''When people are scared, they cling to failure.''
== Known Clergy ==
*Brandon: That's definitely a voice changer.
*'''[[Bryan]]''' - ''Scribe'', ''Priestly Representative'' on behalf of [[Sapphire]]
*''Maybe I think you're using a voice changer.''
*'''The Messenger''' - ''Mediator''
*Cydax types to Callisto: Callisto, I don't think that's your real name.
*''No, I'm pretty sure my name is Callisto.''
*''I'm Callisto.''
*[[Weyrt]]: Callisto, do you suck Cydax's dick for money?
*''What dick?''
*'''Group laughs.'''
*Bryan: Callisto's scaring me.
*''You're welcome.''
*Unknown: Callisto will you make love to me?
*''No''.
*Unknown: Please?
*''No.''
*Unknown: Why not?
*''Because.''
*A few moments pass.
*''I guess this server can finally become the People's Republic of Callisto.''
*'''Group laughs.'''
*''All my plans are coming to fruition.''
*t3sla: Are you using Microsoft Callisto?
*''It's not Microsoft Callisto, it's just Callisto.''
*'''Group laughs.'''
*Unknown: It's JESUS Callisto.
*''But, you aren't the first person to say I sound like Jesus.''
*'''Group laughs.'''
*''What's up bro!''
*Funky: Who left? Was it Callisto?
*''No, it was Jimmy and t3sla.''
*'''Group laughs.'''
*''I would know, because I'm Callisto.''
*Weyrt: It's gotta be Cydax.
*Mike: It is Cydax. You can see in the chat-oh, that's Callisto (shocked).
*''Im not Cydax, I'm Callisto.''
*Mike: Callisto, I have a question.
*Bryan: Ask the Callisto anything.
*''That's right, ask me anything.''
*Unknown: Callisto, will you tussle my hair?
*''No.''
*Mike: Callisto, I have two questions.
*''What are you two questions?''
*Mike: Will you go on a date with me, and why not?
*''No. Why?''
*Mike: Where did this guy find our channel?
*''I came here from the Public Server List.''
*Funky: Quickly ban him! He's a government spy!
*''No! Why?''
*Bryan: Callisto, do you work like a crystal ball?
*''No.''
*Weyrt: I imagine Callisto looking like Wisp from DotA2.
*''Who?''
*Weyrt: Wisp.
*Unknown: Are you a crystal ball Callisto?
*''Are you?''
*'''Group laughs.'''
*Mike: I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEL.
*''I don't have balls of steel.''
*'''Group laughs.'''
*Unknown: Callisto has balls of Callisto, let's be real here.
*''That's right, because I'm Callisto.''
*''What's your question Cydax?''
*Cydax typing to Callisto: What is Callisto made of?
*''Callisto is made of Callisto, because I'm Callisto.''
*'''Group laughs.'''
*Bryan: Callisto, I'm the first Callistostarian priest!
*''That's neat.''
*Funky: Hey Callisto, are you Coconut head?
*''Im sorry, what?''
*Funky: Yeah that's what I thought faggot, you don't watch Ned's Declassified.
*Bryan: Who's Callisto reincarnation?
*''Jesus.''
*'''Group laughs.'''

Latest revision as of 08:54, 22 March 2020

Callistostarianism
Scripture Callisto Dialogues
Founder Callisto
Origin April 20, 2013
Ministers Callistostarian scribes

Callistostarianism is a philosophy and way of life based on the teachings of Callisto. The keepers of his teachings are known as Callistostarians. The teacher Callisto has been observed and recognized across the world on various online platforms.

Callisto, the namesake of these teachings, visits TeamSpeak servers such as Sapphire's TeamSpeak and enlightens his audiences. He is usually found speaking with his majestic, angelic music in the background that may achieve different "ranges", meaning he can alternate voice pitch and background music.

Teachings of Callisto

The following are canonical records of the teachings of Callisto.

2013 Teachings

The 2013 Teachings can be found within the Callisto Dialogues.

  • Callisto is Callisto
  • Callisto is made of Callisto

2014 Teachings

In 2014, Callisto visited Sapphire's TeamSpeak once more in order to expand upon his teachings.

Biographical facts

  • Callisto can go to different "ranges" meaning He can change voice pitch and background music.
  • Callisto is Caucasian. His height is somewhere between 5'11 and 6'0. He was born in Washington state, lives in Kentucky and [was, at the time,] a senior in high school. He is also heterosexual. His name is inspired by Baldassare Castiglione.
  • Callisto has encountered THC and does every Callistover.
  • Callisto can bench 120+ and 90-100 on incline; he enjoys weightlifting.
  • Callisto has this very page bookmarked.
  • Callisto (material) is stronger than steel.

Philosophical ideas

  • "Life has no answer. You have to find your own."
  • Callisto is highly aware of the faulty school system, especially in Kentucky. He states that mostly only farming occurs there.
  • "Implying implications."
  • "I don't really like Ventrilo or Mumble."
  • "Humility is not to be confused with truth."

Known Clergy

  • Bryan - Scribe, Priestly Representative on behalf of Sapphire
  • The Messenger - Mediator
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