Callistostarianism: Difference between revisions

	Callistostarianism
	The Circle, the symbol of group of Sapphire, with a Cross over, representing Callisto.
Type	Polytheistic
Scripture	Callisto Dialogues, Texts of HUEHUEHUE
Leader	Bryan (Head Priest)
Geographical areas	Sapphire's TeamSpeak3
Founder	Callisto
Origin	April 20, 2013 ; Sapphire's TeamSpeak3
Ministers	Callistostarian Priests
Temples	Located in Sapphire's TeamSpeak3
Holidays	Callistover

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Revision as of 04:00, 8 November 2013

Callistostarianism is a loosely defined polytheistic religion typically related to a collection of doctrines described over several holy scriptures. It recognizes a hierarchy of deities which includes giants (minor deities), supergiants (major deities), and indefinite higher beings. Lord Callisto is one of the most well-known supergiants and Gatzi Almighty is one of the most well-known giants.

Callisto Dialogues

Italics represent Callisto's words accompanied by a glorious, soothing background music.

I'm Callisto.
The group laughs.
I'm Callisto.
Callisto attempts to talk but is not heard.
Bryan: Guys, I think Callisto is trying to say something.
No I wasn't, don't mind me!.
Group laughs.
Unknown: I don't understand, who is that?
I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Brandon: I still don't understand.
What is it?
Mike: Callisto is Callisto.
I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Funky: That sounds like it's from an anime!
You sound like you're from an anime.
Cydax wants me to tell you how fabulous he is.
Group laughs.
to Cydax: why should I lie?
Funky: Callisto, turn off your background music.
No.
Group laughs.
Jimmy: Hi I'm Callisto! (imitating Callisto)
I'm not Callisto. You're Callisto. But if you're Callisto, then who's this Callisto right here because I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Brandon: That has to be a voice changer.
This isn't a voice changer. I'm just as human as you are.
Group laughs.
Funky: He's scaring me..
When people are scared, they cling to failure.
Brandon: That's definitely a voice changer.
Maybe I think you're using a voice changer.
Cydax types to Callisto: Callisto, I don't think that's your real name.
No, I'm pretty sure my name is Callisto.
I'm Callisto.
Weyrt: Callisto, do you suck Cydax's dick for money?
What dick?
Group laughs.
Bryan: Callisto's scaring me.
You're welcome.
Unknown: Callisto will you make love to me?
No.
Unknown: Please?
No.
Unknown: Why not?
Because.
A few moments pass.
I guess this server can finally become the People's Republic of Callisto.
Group laughs.
All my plans are coming to fruition.
t3sla: Are you using Microsoft Callisto?
It's not Microsoft Callisto, it's just Callisto.
Group laughs.
Unknown: It's JESUS Callisto.
But, you aren't the first person to say I sound like Jesus.
Group laughs.
What's up bro!
Funky: Who left? Was it Callisto?
No, it was Jimmy and t3sla.
Group laughs.
I would know, because I'm Callisto.
Weyrt: It's gotta be Cydax.
Mike: It is Cydax. You can see in the chat-oh, that's Callisto (shocked).
Im not Cydax, I'm Callisto.
Mike: Callisto, I have a question.
Bryan: Ask the Callisto anything.
That's right, ask me anything.
Unknown: Callisto, will you tussle my hair?
No.
Mike: Callisto, I have two questions.
What are you two questions?
Mike: Will you go on a date with me, and why not?
No. Why?
Mike: Where did this guy find our channel?
I came here from the Public Server List.
Funky: Quickly ban him! He's a government spy!
No! Why?
Bryan: Callisto, do you work like a crystal ball?
No.
Weyrt: I imagine Callisto looking like Wisp from DotA2.
Who?
Weyrt: Wisp.
Unknown: Are you a crystal ball Callisto?
Are you?
Group laughs.
Mike: I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEL.
I don't have balls of steel.
Group laughs.
Unknown: Callisto has balls of Callisto, let's be real here.
That's right, because I'm Callisto.
What's your question Cydax?
Cydax typing to Callisto: What is Callisto made of?
Callisto is made of Callisto, because I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Bryan: Callisto, I'm the first Callistostarian priest!
That's neat.
Funky: Hey Callisto, are you Coconut head?
Im sorry, what?
Funky: Yeah that's what I thought faggot, you don't watch Ned's Declassified.
Bryan: Who's Callisto reincarnation?
Jesus.
Group laughs.

Main doctrine

The main doctrine of Callistostarianism describes a hierarchy of deities which includes giants (minor deities), supergiants (major deities), and indefinite higher beings. Lord Callisto is one of the most recognized supergiants. Neptilian giants refer to a race of giants that come from the planet Neptile following the Incident. Gatzi Almighty is one of the most recognized Neptilian giants.

Callisto doctrine

Callisto is a major deity, or supergiant, in Callistostariamism. According to his ideals, he is so great that he is not only Callisto, but that he is made of Callisto.

According to His words, Callisto:

is Callisto
is made of Callisto
has balls of Callisto

Hueist-Kekist doctrine

Hueism-Kekism refer to loyalty to a tribe of Neptilian giants. Master & Challengers are tribes of Giants who are searching for their own answers to balance. There is another tribe, the Developers, who are not typically associated with any side.

The Incident

The Incident refers to the collision of Earth and Neptile (the home planet of the Neptilian giants), which ultimately wiped out most of the Neptilian giants, except for a few tribes (Masters, Challengers, Developers).

The Masters

The Masters are one of the tribes of Neptilian giants that survived the Incident.

Gatzi Almighty

See Gatzi Almighty for full article.

Gatzi Almighty, full name Gatzi John Derek Gatzbee Bon Jovi Almighty, also known as Gat Almighty or just Gat, is the current leader of the Masters and a Neptilian giant.

Høl

The Masters punish people by smote-ing them ta høl!. Høl is not the best place to be.

The Challengers

The Challengers are a tribe of Neptilian giants that survived the Incident.

Draven

Draven is presumably one of the greatest Challenger warriors ever. The champion Draven in League of Legends was inspired by Draven himself. Some know him as the D-Stroyer.

The Developers

The Developers are a tribe of Neptilian giants that survived the Incident. Not much is known about the Developers per se, however, they have brought many great modern technologies into the world such as computers and the Internet. It is rumored that a Developer carries the weight of the Internet on his own two hands. The Developers are also the inventors of Blitzcrank and the International Blitzcrank Scoring System.

@@ Line 186: / Line 186: @@
 === The Masters ===
-The Masters are one of the tribes of Neptilian giants that survived the [[Callistostarianism#Incident|Incident]].
+The Masters are one of the tribes of Neptilian giants that survived the [[Callistostarianism#The Incident|Incident]].
 ==== Gatzi Almighty ====
@@ Line 197: / Line 197: @@
 === The Challengers ===
-The Challengers are a tribe of Neptilian giants that survived the [[Callistostarianism#Incident|Incident]].
+The Challengers are a tribe of Neptilian giants that survived the [[Callistostarianism#The Incident|Incident]].
 ==== Draven ====
@@ Line 203: / Line 203: @@
 === The Developers ===
-The Developers are a tribe of Neptilian giants that survived the [[Callistostarianism#Incident|Incident]]. Not much is known about the Developers per se, however, they have brought many great modern technologies into the world such as computers and the Internet. It is rumored that a Developer ''carries the weight of the Internet'' on his own two hands. The Developers are also the inventors of Blitzcrank and the [[International Blitzcrank Scoring System]].
+The Developers are a tribe of Neptilian giants that survived the [[Callistostarianism#The Incident|Incident]]. Not much is known about the Developers per se, however, they have brought many great modern technologies into the world such as computers and the Internet. It is rumored that a Developer ''carries the weight of the Internet'' on his own two hands. The Developers are also the inventors of Blitzcrank and the [[International Blitzcrank Scoring System]].
 == Known Callistostarians ==