Callistostarianism

Callistostarianism is a collection of doctrines which were taught by Callisto himself. Lord Callisto randomly joined Sapphire's TeamSpeak one day and began to answer questions which later became the doctrine of Callistostarianism. This was the dialogue:

Italics represent Callisto's words accompanied by a glorious, soothing background music.

• I'm Callisto.
• The group laughs.
• I'm Callisto.
• Callisto attempts to talk but is not heard.
• Bryan: Guys, I think Callisto is trying to say something.
• No I wasn't, don't mind me!.
• Group laughs.
• Unknown: I don't understand, who is that?
• I'm Callisto.
• Group laughs.
• Brandon: I still don't understand.
• What is it?
• Mike: Callisto is Callisto.
• I'm Callisto.
• Group laughs.
• Funky: That sounds like it's from an anime!
• You sound like you're from an anime.
• Cydax wants me to tell you how fabulous he is.
• Group laughs.
• to Cydax: why should I lie?
• Funky: Callisto, turn off your background music.
• No.
• Group laughs.
• Jimmy: Hi I'm Callisto! (imitating Callisto)
• I'm not Callisto. You're Callisto. But if you're Callisto, then who's this Callisto right here because I'm Callisto.
• Group laughs.
• Brandon: That has to be a voice changer.
• This isn't a voice changer. I'm just as human as you are.
• Group laughs.
• Funky: He's scaring me..
• When people are scared, they cling to failure.
• Brandon: That's definitely a voice changer.
• Maybe I think you're using a voice changer.
• Cydax types to Callisto: Callisto, I don't think that's your real name.
• No, I'm pretty sure my name is Callisto.
• I'm Callisto.
• Weyrt: Callisto, do you suck Cydax's dick for money?
• What dick?
• Group laughs.
• Bryan: Callisto's scaring me.
• You're welcome.
• Unknown: Callisto will you make love to me?
• No.
• Unknown: Please?
• No.
• Unknown: Why not?
• Because.
• A few moments pass.
• I guess this server can finally become the People's Republic of Callisto.
• Group laughs.
• All my plans are coming to fruition.
• t3sla: Are you using Microsoft Callisto?
• It's not Microsoft Callisto, it's just Callisto.
• Group laughs.
• Unknown: It's JESUS Callisto.
• But, you aren't the first person to say I sound like Jesus.
• Group laughs.
• What's up bro!
• Funky: Who left? Was it Callisto?
• No, it was Jimmy and t3sla.
• Group laughs.
• I would know, because I'm Callisto.
• Weyrt: It's gotta be Cydax.
• Mike: It is Cydax. You can see in the chat-oh, that's Callisto (shocked).
• Im not Cydax, I'm Callisto.
• Mike: Callisto, I have a question.
• Bryan: Ask the Callisto anything.
• That's right, ask me anything.
• Unknown: Callisto, will you tussle my hair?
• No.
• Mike: Callisto, I have two questions.
• What are you two questions?
• Mike: Will you go on a date with me, and why not?
• No. Why?
• Mike: Where did this guy find our channel?
• I came here from the Public Server List.
• Funky: Quickly ban him! He's a government spy!
• No! Why?
• Bryan: Callisto, do you work like a crystal ball?
• No.
• Weyrt: I imagine Callisto looking like Wisp from DotA2.
• Who?
• Weyrt: Wisp.
• Unknown: Are you a crystal ball Callisto?
• Are you?
• Group laughs.
• Mike: I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEL.
• I don't have balls of steel.
• Group laughs.
• Unknown: Callisto has balls of Callisto, let's be real here.
• That's right, because I'm Callisto.
• What's your question Cydax?
• Cydax typing to Callisto: What is Callisto made of?
• Callisto is made of Callisto, because I'm Callisto.
• Group laughs.
• Bryan: Callisto, I'm the first Callistostarian priest!
• That's neat.
• Funky: Hey Callisto, are you Coconut head?
• Im sorry, what?
• Funky: Yeah that's what I thought faggot, you don't watch Ned's Declassified.
• Bryan: Who's Callisto reincarnation?
• Jesus.
• Group laughs.