Callisto Dialogues

Callisto Dialogues (2013)

Plain Italics represent Callisto's words accompanied by a glorious, soothing background music.

I'm Callisto.
The group laughs.
I'm Callisto.
Chatter about League of Legends.
Callisto attempts to talk but is not heard.
Bryan: Guys, Callisto is trying to say something.
No I wasn't, don't mind me!.
Group laughs.
Unknown: I don't understand, who is that?
I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Chatter about League of Legends.
Funky: I am Callisto (imitating Callisto).
Brandon: The fuck is Callisto supposed to-I don't understand.
Mike: It's Callisto.
Brandon: Who the fuck is Callisto?
Weyrt: You don't need to understand.
What is it?
Unknown: There's nothing to understand, Callisto is god!
Brandon: If I don't already know, I don't need to know?
Mike: Callisto is Callisto.
I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Funky: That sounds like it's from an anime!
You sound like you're from an anime.
Brandon: Is it like one of those things where if you don't know, you don't need to know?
Chatter about League of Legends.
Funky: That sounds like some gay anime like where everything is all peaceful.
Unknown: Holy fucking shit!
Cydax wants me to tell you how fabulous he is.
Group laughs.
to Cydax: why should I lie?
Weyrt: Dude, this has to be one of Cydax's friends.
Jimmy: It's Cydax.
Brandon: I don't understand.
Chatter about Cydax.
Chatter about League of Legends.
Funky: Callisto only sounds cool because he has background music.
Chatter about League of Legends/Cydax/background music.
Funky: Callisto, turn off your background music.
No.
Group laughs.
Brandon: The music or something is awesome, I don't know what else...
Weyrt: Callisto would you suck dick for money?
Funky says something about a gay anime but is not heard.
Jimmy: Hi I'm Callisto! (imitating Callisto)
I'm not Callisto. You're Callisto. But if you're Callisto, then who's this Callisto right here because I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Mike: What? Stop.
Bryan says something random about Reddit AMAs.
Funky: Either he types really fast, or he's a good voice actor.
Weyrt: Or he has a voice changer, derp.
Mike: That's not a voice changer; there's no way any voice changer could ever do that.
Brandon: That has to be a voice changer.
This isn't a voice changer. I'm just as human as you are.
Group laughs.
Funky: He's scaring me..
Brandon: It has to be a voice changer.
Funky: No no no, no it's not. Because people can talk like that in animes and stuff.
Brandon: Nah, it's gotta-there's no way-it's too amazing.
Funky says something about anime.
When people are scared, they cling to failure.
Bryan: What anime has the like, what anime has a person who is saying that Cydax is fabulous? Like really.
Brandon: The voice is too amazing for me.
None, that's for sure.
Chatter about League of Legends.
Weyrt: Callisto is talking.
Maybe I think you're using a voice changer.
Chatter about League of Legends.
Cydax types to Callisto: Callisto, I don't think that's your real name.
No, I'm pretty sure my name is Callisto.
Chatter about League of Legends.
I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Weyrt: Callisto, do you suck Cydax's dick for money?
What dick?
Group laughs.
Chatter about League of Legends.
Bryan: Callisto's scaring me.
You're welcome.
Unknown: Callisto will you make love to me?
No.
Unknown (multiple): Please?
No.
Unknown: Callisto, can I have your dick?
Unknown: Why not?
Because.
Random chatter.
Mike: Callisto, you're the meaning to my life.
Unknown: Guys guys, we're starting a new religion. We are now worshiping Callisto.
A few moments pass.
Something.
Something.
I guess this server can finally become the People's Republic of Callisto.
Group laughs.
All my plans are coming to fruition.
Unknown: Who says fruition?
Unknown: The background music makes it so hard..
Brandon: No, it makes me hard.
Unknown: It makes you moist.
Silence.
Brandon: It's so moist.
Chatter about League of Legends.
t3sla: Are you using Microsoft Callisto?
It's not Microsoft Callisto, it's just Callisto.
Group laughs.
Unknown: It's JESUS Callisto.
But, you aren't the first person to say I sound like Jesus.
Group laughs.
Unknown: I'm sure if Jesus came down today, it would be in the manifestation of Callisto.
What's up bro?
Funky: Who left? Callisto?
No, it was Jimmy and t3sla.
Group laughs.
I would know, because I'm Callisto.
Weyrt: It's gotta be Cydax.
Mike: It is Cydax. You can see in the chat-oh, that's Callisto (shocked).
Im not Cydax, I'm Callisto.
Mike: Callisto, I have a question.
Bryan: Ask the Callisto anything.
That's right, ask me anything.
Unknown: Callisto, will you tussle my hair?
No.
Mike: Callisto, I have two questions.
What are you two questions?
Mike: Will you go on a date with me, and why not?
No. Why?
Chatter about recording.
Mike: Where did this guy find our channel?
I came here from the Public Server List.
Funky: Quickly ban him! He's a government spy!
No! Why?
Bryan: If you ban him, you'll get killed.
Unknown: The New Republic of Callisto is rising. Beware.
Bryan: Callisto, do you work like a crystal ball?
No.
Weyrt: I imagine Callisto looking like Wisp from DotA2.
Who?
Weyrt: Wisp.
Who?
Unknown: Are you a crystal ball Callisto?
Are you?
Group laughs.
Mike: I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEL.
I don't have balls of steel.
Group laughs.
Unknown: Callisto has balls of Callisto, let's be real here.
That's right, because I'm Callisto.
Intermission.
What's your question Cydax?
Cydax typing to Callisto: What is Callisto made of?
Callisto is made of Callisto, because I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Bryan: Callisto, I'm the first Callistostarian priest!
That's neat.
Unknown: I'm the second.
Funky: Hey Callisto, are you Coconut head?
Im sorry, what?
Funky: Yeah that's what I thought faggot, you don't watch Ned's Declassified, do you?
Bryan: Who's Callisto reincarnation?
Jesus.
Group laughs.
I'll be right back.