Callistostarianism

	Callistostarianism
	The Circle, the symbol of group of Sapphire, with a Cross over, representing Callisto.
Type	Polytheistic
Scripture	Callisto Dialogues, Texts of HUEHUEHUE
Leader	Bryan (Head Priest)
Geographical areas	Sapphire's TeamSpeak3
Founder	Callisto
Origin	April 20, 2013 ; Sapphire's TeamSpeak3
Ministers	Callistostarian Priests
Temples	Located in Sapphire's TeamSpeak3
Holidays	Callistover

Callistostarianism is a loosely defined polytheistic religion typically related to a collection of doctrines described over several holy scriptures. It recognizes several deities, having Lord Callisto as the supreme deity.

Callisto Dialogues

Italics represent Callisto's words accompanied by a glorious, soothing background music.

I'm Callisto.
The group laughs.
I'm Callisto.
Callisto attempts to talk but is not heard.
Bryan: Guys, I think Callisto is trying to say something.
No I wasn't, don't mind me!.
Group laughs.
Unknown: I don't understand, who is that?
I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Brandon: I still don't understand.
What is it?
Mike: Callisto is Callisto.
I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Funky: That sounds like it's from an anime!
You sound like you're from an anime.
Cydax wants me to tell you how fabulous he is.
Group laughs.
to Cydax: why should I lie?
Funky: Callisto, turn off your background music.
No.
Group laughs.
Jimmy: Hi I'm Callisto! (imitating Callisto)
I'm not Callisto. You're Callisto. But if you're Callisto, then who's this Callisto right here because I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Brandon: That has to be a voice changer.
This isn't a voice changer. I'm just as human as you are.
Group laughs.
Funky: He's scaring me..
When people are scared, they cling to failure.
Brandon: That's definitely a voice changer.
Maybe I think you're using a voice changer.
Cydax types to Callisto: Callisto, I don't think that's your real name.
No, I'm pretty sure my name is Callisto.
I'm Callisto.
Weyrt: Callisto, do you suck Cydax's dick for money?
What dick?
Group laughs.
Bryan: Callisto's scaring me.
You're welcome.
Unknown: Callisto will you make love to me?
No.
Unknown: Please?
No.
Unknown: Why not?
Because.
A few moments pass.
I guess this server can finally become the People's Republic of Callisto.
Group laughs.
All my plans are coming to fruition.
t3sla: Are you using Microsoft Callisto?
It's not Microsoft Callisto, it's just Callisto.
Group laughs.
Unknown: It's JESUS Callisto.
But, you aren't the first person to say I sound like Jesus.
Group laughs.
What's up bro!
Funky: Who left? Was it Callisto?
No, it was Jimmy and t3sla.
Group laughs.
I would know, because I'm Callisto.
Weyrt: It's gotta be Cydax.
Mike: It is Cydax. You can see in the chat-oh, that's Callisto (shocked).
Im not Cydax, I'm Callisto.
Mike: Callisto, I have a question.
Bryan: Ask the Callisto anything.
That's right, ask me anything.
Unknown: Callisto, will you tussle my hair?
No.
Mike: Callisto, I have two questions.
What are you two questions?
Mike: Will you go on a date with me, and why not?
No. Why?
Mike: Where did this guy find our channel?
I came here from the Public Server List.
Funky: Quickly ban him! He's a government spy!
No! Why?
Bryan: Callisto, do you work like a crystal ball?
No.
Weyrt: I imagine Callisto looking like Wisp from DotA2.
Who?
Weyrt: Wisp.
Unknown: Are you a crystal ball Callisto?
Are you?
Group laughs.
Mike: I'VE GOT BALLS OF STEEL.
I don't have balls of steel.
Group laughs.
Unknown: Callisto has balls of Callisto, let's be real here.
That's right, because I'm Callisto.
What's your question Cydax?
Cydax typing to Callisto: What is Callisto made of?
Callisto is made of Callisto, because I'm Callisto.
Group laughs.
Bryan: Callisto, I'm the first Callistostarian priest!
That's neat.
Funky: Hey Callisto, are you Coconut head?
Im sorry, what?
Funky: Yeah that's what I thought faggot, you don't watch Ned's Declassified.
Bryan: Who's Callisto reincarnation?
Jesus.
Group laughs.

Callistostarian Doctrine

The overall Callistostarian Doctrine is composed of the following doctrines:

Giant doctrine

The most basic ideology of this religion is that Giants are master race. The only exception is Lord Callisto, who surpasses Giants and is known to be a Supergiant. The three main tribes are Masters, Challengers, and Developers. The Giant race came from a planet called Neptile.

Neptile was the home to the Giants and many other divine, exotic species. The Giants were divine creatures whose true core was their Spirit. That being said, they have no definite shape. Their appearance vary from a non-corporeal body to a metallic and ashy bodies. They did not die easily, but felt that war was necessary to make themselves feel complete.

One fateful day Neptile collided with Earth, destroying Neptile. Neptile's natural atmosphere remained on Earth, while the remaining parts of its land shot off into the sky and formed the Moon. Now that the Earth's gases and Neptile's gases combined, a newer form of life began, which was less divine than the Giants, however still glorious. From very basic life came the promised species, the Humans.

The Giants have always helped humans throughout history, whether they are credited or not. For the most part, Giants retained a non-corporeal body and only occasionally have showed off their organic form.

Callisto doctrine

Callisto is presumably a member of the first generation of Supergiants. According to his ideals, he is so great that he shall be known, not just by name, but by species as Callisto.

According to His words, Callisto:

is Callisto
is made of Callisto
has balls of Callisto

Hueist-Kekist doctrine

Hueist are those who side with Masters, while Kekists side with Challengers. Master & Challengers are tribes of Giants who are searching for their own answers to balance. The tribe of Developers are assistants to both, which is the reason as to why people speculate that true balance can be found through the Developers.

The Masters

Gatzi Almighty is the leader of the Masters. The Masters are a tribe of Giants looking for the greater good.

Gatzi Almighty

Gatzi Almighty, full name Gatzi John Derek Gatzbee Bon Jovi Almighty, also known as Gat Almighty or just Gat, is the current leader of the Masters.

Høl

The Masters punish people by smote-ing them ta høl!. Høl is not the best place to be.

The Challengers

The Challengers are a tribe of Giants that are looking for a greater evil.

Draven

Draven is presumably one of the greatest Challenger warriors ever. The champion Draven in League of Legends was inspired by Draven himself. Some know him as the D-Stroyer.

The Developers

Not much is known about the Developers personally, however, they have brought many great modern technologies into the world such as computers and the Internet. It is rumored that a Developer carries the weight of the Internet on his own two hands. The Developers are also the inventors of Blitzcrank and the International Blitzcrank Scoring System.